04. A matchmaker who wants more clients
Today's guest is a matchmaker. (For real.) After being featured in Plus Model magazine, Nekisha realized there was an opportunity to own plus-size dating space—and the rest is history. In this episode, Lauren and Phil help the guest position her brand to generate more clients, ensuring that people find love externally and internally.
Episode transcription
Phil:
Hey everyone. Welcome to Brand Therapy. I'm Phil.
Lauren:
And I'm Lauren.
Phil:
We're here today, switching things up slightly instead of having just finished chatting with the guest, we have not called the guest yet. I thought, you know, keeping it fresh, we’d actually chat about it before we call them and that keeps it more exciting.
Lauren:
I love that idea Phil. I think it's really great. We're trying something new because this next caller is all about embracing your instincts and being who you are and do you know what? You're just letting your freak flag fly for this episode.
Phil: I am. I've actually been looking forward to this phone call for a very long time. She has the biggest personality for a change. Let's get Dalton on the microphone. Dalton, when you were researching her, what did you find?
Dalton: Well how a lot of fun when I was looking her up, cause she does look like a very fun and energetic person. But the thing that confuses me is that she has 25 different names because like the logo on her website is different from the actual URL, which is different from the love coach by something else, which is different from her Instagram handle, which is different from her Instagram name, which is also different from the Twitter name.
Phil: Okay, great. So Lauren, let's ask her about that.
Lauren: I'll add it to the list. Great.
Phil: Well why don't we get her on the phone. I can't wait. Here's our chat with Nekisha Michelle.
Nekisha: I just was able to find a lane in the matchmaking, a dating industry. I've been trying so hard trying to figure out where I belong. And it just happened that I was, I had an article done with plus model magazine and after that article, everybody in the plus size industry became so excited and they said, you know what, we talk a lot about fashion and branding, but there's no one like you that's offering love and dating and, self esteem and all of that stuff. So I jumped into the lane of being known as the plus size, love going in and certified matchmakers. And right now in the works, I have a book that's launching at the end of this month called “The Ready Woman.” And so we have the Ready Woman and then a book collaborative called Diary of an Already Woman. And so what I'm doing is kind of two sided, I am doing a book tour and it's also kind of we're making a weekend out of it where we have Talk Date Love, which is my signature going around. I did yours, we've done Atlanta. Now we want to go to Los Angeles and the UK. Just really empowering plus size women in their dating and love and healing around love relationships and you know, being different and being okay with being different but being loved about your shape or size but about your state of mind. So that's what I have going on most recently. But I really am interested in just like having my matchmaking side just blow up.
Lauren: Okay. I'm so excited and have just a hundred questions for you, but we don't have enough time for a hundred questions. So I'll, so I've listened to some interviews with the million dollar matchmaker and I know that her approach to finding love has a lot of, I don't want to say games, but it's a, it's like never move in with someone until you have the ring. Like don't return calls after a certain amount of days, blah, blah, blah. What's your perspective on that approach with love and dating?
Nekisha: My perspective is I created what is called the bliss code. And so what are identified was five things that typically women ignore or are not comfortable with that creates these gaps where they don't listen to their intuition or they don't listen to themselves when it comes to making smarter decisions while trying to have a long term partner. So bliss stands for beauty, love, intuition, sensuality and significance. So I found one of those areas is broken. There's something in their communication, something in the way they relate to men, something in a way they just move and shake in their dating. \And their love life doesn't translate well from them being successful in other areas of their lives so I don't follow too many rules. I'm just trying to teach them to trust themselves. Trust that voice inside of them and build that voice so they know, you know when they should say this or this doesn't feel good. Speak Up. This is a yellow light. This is a green light. This is a red light. What is red like me? It means stop. Don't override that because every time you do it's going to create chaos later on.
Phil: Nekisha, what do you think is unique about working with you, for your customers working with you as opposed to another matchmaker? What do you bring to the table that makes that whole experience different and unique?
Nekisha: What I have been told is they feel that I'm relatable. They feel like I'm fun, I take the pressure off, but they feel like I'm that big sister that they never had.
Phil: I love that. And I was hoping you'd mentioned the word fun because I think you, while you can get serious and people can relate to you on serious, you know, issues, I think you also do keep it fun. You've got this magnetic personality and people want to be around you. They want to get your input and your advice on things.
Nekisha: Yes, yes. That is really, really true. And sometimes it gets blurred because when I do have to be serious with them, it doesn’t always come off right. Sometimes you know, like they're used to that budding sarcasm and all of that. But then when I'm like, you know what, this is not working or you did this three times and we've already talked about that, that doesn't feel good. So sometimes it gets a little muddy when that fun girl gets serious.
Phil: Now when you look back on the last few years of you working in this industry, what have been some of the biggest wins when you look back and you go, yes, this moment reaffirmed that this is what I am meant to do, what are, you know, one or a handful of those moments?
Nekisha: I believe a handful of those moments is number one, I magnetize press really well and I feel like I interviewed really well and every time I do press I seem to get some amazing clients who are ready to work with me. The second win is when I am able to take a woman who, um, really has given up on love or had a complete dating dry spell. I get women who have not dated in five years, 10 years, I mean forever because they are afraid of it or may put their career first. And when they come to me in a matter of less than 60 days, they have so many men that they can't keep up with the name and they're being pursued and they feel beautiful. Then of course when I get those invitations to the wedding.
Lauren: So I guess my question for you is when you look at where you want your brand to be, like a year from now, or even five years from now, what do you want and what are you seeing?
Nekisha: For a lack of better words, Patti Stanger has been the best teacher, awesome with her branding. And I want, I want that. I want to be television recognized. I want to have an amazing reputation. I want my brand to be a household international brand. I don't want to feel the struggle behind this anymore because I feel like I worked hard. I still like evolving so much, but there's still something off, not pull together where I feel like I'm always starting over and I'm tired of that. I'm ready to grow, I'm ready to have teams in New York and the UK, I'm ready for this. People are constantly coming to me saying, cause I look good on paper. If you look, you're like, oh wow. She has it going on. And,I guess that's how I get a lot of the press and the interviews, but then behind the scenes, this looks a little raggedy to me and I don't want that anymore.
Lauren: Are you feeling a disconnect between what's on your website and social profiles versus what's happening in real life?
Nekisha: I would say yes. Yes.
Lauren: Phil, what are your thoughts for a potential branding direction?
Phil: So here's where my brain is at listening to all of this. To me the key to Nekisha’s success is getting her out as much as possible in this and any other format. Video mostly I think any, any format where we can see Nekisha in her true element. So well-spoken, so dynamic. Exactly. Nekisha you need to be everywhere. And I think for example, television, absolutely. We basically need to, we need to see Nekisha on an ongoing basis and I think people just see you, that's where you're going to get your clients. I can relate to this a little bit. There's, you know, the Nekisha, the biggest driver of business for me has been speaking engagements, getting myself out there. I get paid to speak, but when I started a few years ago, I didn't get paid.
I have gone a whole year without getting paid. And a, a lot of times I have to front the cost, but I get there and go, okay, I know that I'm going to leave this conference with some clients. I feel similarly about you that people just need to see you. They need to discover you and your audience. If they're out there, we just have to figure out how we position your brand to make that a bit more of a stronger conversion. Does that make sense? Where's your brain sitting at when you listen to all of this?
Lauren: I fully agree. Nekisha you just have so much energy I mean, I'm in a relationship but I want to sign up for your services.
I think what I'm not sure if you're feeling the same thing, but externally there are a lot of different branded names and sub brands you’ve got... make me a wife coach, we have your actual name, we have the love Doyon so there's a lot of stuff happening and I feel maybe that distinction could be made even more clear so that people realize that it's all part of the same group with you as the face of it. How do you feel about that?
Nekisha: I feel so good. That will be another challenge. You know, when you start to get advice from so many different people. One being my brother when I was telling him I feel stuck because there is a lot of depth to me because of the size, love and relationships. I love TV. I absolutely love being on TV. I love just being in front of people. If it is camera action I'm on it. And he said maybe you need to stop trying to say what you love doing and just be Nekisha Michelle and then whatever falls on that. He said, kind of like Oprah. She does books, she does cooking books, she does films, she does this, that and the other. She, you know, she's hosting this. She's, you know, given awards. She has a school etc. I have the same capacity and sometimes it does get lost with my brain being a, I'm always creating, creating, but I need my main bread and butter to be my main bread and butter and the distinction to be clearer.
Phil: I think there's going to be a direct correlation between your six SAS and your ability to focus. Right now you're putting energy into a lot of different brands and names where at the end of the day we know you as Nekisha Michelle. Well that's how we know you and I would love to see you really focus on you because Nekisha you are what sells it. Not The love coin, not any kind of, I mean your creative social media handle. Make me a wife coach. I mean, it's cute, but I again, it almost feels like a bit of a distraction from the main person. The main message. It's you. And if your vision is to grow this big and you're the face and you've got a team, almost like Tony Robbins, right? He's got a whole team of people that execute day to day, but it all trickles down from him. We need you out there creating this content. What are you doing on Instagram, by the way? What's your strategy right now? Or what are you posting?
Nekisha: I don't really have one. I try to give a little inspiration. I tried to give a little x, you know, education. I try to be cute. This is me and this, look in that look. And then, you know, sharing what events and stuff or what I have coming up next.
Phil: Let me flip that question upside down. What does your audience want from you?
Nekisha: I don't have a clue.
Lauren: Okay. Stop. Stop, stop, stop, Phil. I want to try something. Let's pretend that I'm going to be launching a new business and I'm not, my name is not Lauren and I'm going to be launching a new business. And I'm, I don't know if I should brand myself as Karen or if I should do it as a business. What would your advice be?
Phil: My advice would be hire me and I'll give you good advice. It's called, yes you can. It's called a Brand Audit baby and I'm not going to give you advice until I thoroughly understand your business.
Lauren: So what does that entail? So I'm asking these questions like I don't know the answer. What does that entail?
Phil: If you do a 90 minute call with Lauren and Phil, you know who Lauren is?
Lauren: Oh my gosh. Wait, Lauren Moore, she's amazing.
Phil: 90 minute call with Lauren and Phil where we spend that time to figure out what is your brand, what's working, what's not, and you get a super, super detailed brand on it. Recap. That's 50 slides outlining everything. It's kind of like Brand Therapy, but even better.
Lauren: Okay. Karen here again, I really, really like what you're telling me, but I really liked to get things at a discount. What can you offer me
Phil 15% off? It's the only place you'll actually get a discount on us. We don't offer discounts anywhere else. Podcast listeners only check it out. Let's get back to the show.
Phil: Wait, philpallen.expert/therapy That's where all the details are. Now let's get back to the show.
Nekisha: Mm, I don't have one, but I thought I would get low engagement if I post that picture of me and my husband. They love it. All right. How many pictures are posted? Me and him?
Phil: Well, cause it's proof that you know what you're doing, right? So I think that's why that makes sense. But video format is something you need to embrace even more than you do now, particularly as it will help you parlay. It will, it will really help you book more media spots. Media is particularly important for you because it allows you to be in your element in front of an audience. Don't think that you're going to go from zero to hero overnight. Go from Youtube to the today show overnight, but certainly Nekisha if you can get into the rhythm of, of pitching on an ongoing basis, local TV to start, for example, Nekisha we had Valentine's Day happen, pitching them six to eight weeks out, for example, that you'd be perfect to go on and do a segment on how to spice up your love life or how to, you know, whatever. I mean you could probably think of all kinds of ideas cause you are that creative. I need you to build a system of accountability here where you are pitching and putting yourself in front of as many media opportunities as possible. TV, radio, print. That's item number one. Item number two, I need you to start thinking about your own social media channels as if they were your own TV show. Okay?
Okay, so what that means is rather than sitting around waiting for someone else to call you, you're going to put some stuff out there on your own. I think this has come up on the podcast in the past, but I'm going to dig it up again. Think of your Instagram actually as three distinct social media platforms. You have three unique opportunities to create content on this platform. Post to your gallery, right where those photos exist altogether. Almost like a mood board. When people go to your profile, they see all the photos that you've posted. So that's opportunity number one. Opportunity number two, posts daily to your stories, not just selfies. Look at me in this outfit. Here's what I'm going, here's where I'm going. Here is what I'm doing, but actually start to give advice in your Instagram stories. One quick tip that can be a game changer today.
You know, do this. Do that. Start to give us advice each day and that again helps us discover your content on this platform. Remember, every time you upload to your story and to do it periodically throughout the day, it puts a little light up ring around your profile photo. So we'll also drive more foot traffic to your gallery post that day. And then finally, Nekisha. I think almost the most important one for you is to be using Instagram live at least once a week to create your own TV show, to have your own TV show that you call it whatever name you want. I just know it now we're going to be looking back at you. You created your Instagram show and then it will actually end up on TV. That's my vision. I'm putting it out there for you. But does that help to start to think about a structure for Instagram that will keep you accountable?
Nekisha: Yes. Yes sir. Yes. That is so brilliant.
Lauren: Another thing that we find helps is, sometimes Instagram is really intimidating because you can post anything you want and with that lack of structure you can be like, oh my gosh, I can decide anything so I'm not going to post anything at all. So I would recommend that you go through the bliss code when you're scheduling your content. So do one post about beauty. The next is about love, the next about intuition and going through sensuality and significance and using that to be like a launching point for whatever you're going to be teaching or sharing or even doing on your lear live broadcast that day.
Nekisha: Okay. That sounds brilliant.
Phil: I love that idea Lauren. That's so good. Take an existing sub branded entity that you have, which is your bliss, and start to use that to create content within that. It reminds me of the tweet types which I've been teaching for years. Right. You need to set parameters for yourself so that you could actually create within that. Otherwise the options are endless and that doesn't help and it does inhale.
Nekisha: Yes, and you're right. And then I get, what is that called when you don't do anything like Lauren said and then I just get tired and I won't do anything for a while. Then I say, Oh, let me look to see what other people are doing. Okay, well let me try to do that.
Lauren: Yeah, we call it perfection paralysis. And both Phil and I are major perfectionists, so we suffer like more than more than you'll ever know, but learn from us and then hopefully you won't have to go through that. Oh, and another thing too that I think is really important, when we think about what your audience wants, I have a feeling that you have many audiences. So of course you have people in media, those gatekeepers, and we're wanting to appeal to them by showing that you can just make you're a content machine and could easily show up on their show or a stager or whatever. And then you've of course got your immediate audience and those are the people who are looking for love. But I think there's also an opportunity to talk about love for people who are in existing relationships and to also focus on self love no matter whether you're single or or committed. The great thing about your subject, your area of expertise is that love is basically what connects all human beings. What makes us different from animals even? So don't feel you need to be only talking about the kind of pursuing or initial stages of dating and finding love, you've got options.
Nekisha: Okay, that sounds good too Lauren because sometimes you know when you're constantly here you gotta be very, very narrow,as narrow as possible. But you're right. I have the capacity, the wisdom and the gifting of an ocean and trying to pack it into a little swimming pool has been challenging. And again, that also creates, what did you call the Perfection Paralysis.
Lauren: Totally. And you could do things like how to get the puppy love stage back or how to start dating your husband. I think you could be inspired by the initial like heart fluttering stages of love, but actually provide advice for people who are already in committed relationships.
Nekisha: Okay, that sounds good. This is so yummy.
Phil: When you appear on tv, people will say I have got to call that woman, she's amazing. When I come to you and say, I want to hire you. Have you structured your services? Do you make it very clear on how we can work with you?
Nekisha: There's two tracks. There's either the date and matchmaking track or there is the dating coaching track. So the date coaching track is just getting coaching services and we look at where your challenges are, again, where you're broken in that bliss code and we try to make you a better dater and teach you how to manifest level your own and work with you on your dating-what do you call it, dating sites and things like that. Helping you with your profile and you know how to text and all of that stuff. And then we have the matchmaking track where we're taking the heavy load and we're finding the love for you, but that you also still get the date coaching as well as feedback from each date that we send you on.
Lauren: I love those two tracks, especially the online dating profile, one that's so, so relevant. Do people have to inquire about your prices or is that somewhere public where people can find out?
Nekisha: On the matchmaking site when they go there, there is a listing that says which investment level are you willing to invest in that? So it starts at our lowest, like it says $3,500 and then it goes up to I think $10,000 so they could pick a level, it's like three levels. And then after that it says, how soon are you ready to get started? Immediately within a month, you know, 90 days, something like that. And then it asks some more of the, you know, the demographic questions and with their long term intentions are.
Lauren: And within those different thresholds, like I see you've got 5,000 to 7,000 to 10,000 does that vary based on location or is there any way that those prices could be firmed up and it could be locked onto one number per stage?
Nekisha: You know it could be, but the reason I did that is when people need a payment plan, then it kind of can say, okay, is it 3,500 all you have or can you do with payment paying $3,500 so I kind of did it like that, but it would be firmed up.
Lauren: My gut feeling is that I love these tracks. I don't want to change them at all. I really like how they're organized. I would recommend either committing to one price per track or starting at and then just list one price because that way there's less confusion and it's a bit more clear about the financial investment on someone's side.
Nekisha: Okay. Okay. We'll keep the two tracks or just clear.
Phil: Yeah, and I'm wondering if there's a way that people can start in a lower price engagement. To give you an example in Nekisha, if I told people in terms of branding, in terms of strategy that like you know, $3,500 is the minimum engagement. That's what you've got to commit to from the start. I wouldn't get as many clients as I do now. It's not to say they don't spend that much. They do eventually spend that much once I've earned their trust, but in this case, I'd love it if you offered some version of what we call a brand audit, which is mandatory for all clients. They come to us and say, Phil, I want to hire you to do my website. Phil, I want to hire you to improve my Instagram. Well, hold on. We don't know you and I can't give you advice until I get to know you better.
Let's create a plan together that enables you to go off and reach some of these goals either on your own or ideally with us. That session is called a Brand Audit and that is less scary if people have the notion that they can take some knowledge from you and go and do that, maybe somebody that keeps them accountable, even if they don't, right, they still feel better about swiping their credit card. I wonder if there's a way that you can tease people into just how fabulous you are that will then convert higher to that price point. It might be, it's one thing to spend that much money on a dream vacation or a big sofa. You know you're going to have for years in your house. But to spend it on, on, on matchmaking might be difficult until we see you work and see you and see how great you are.
Nekisha: Yes I like that. I guess I just, I have to think about what that looks like because I saw that, I kind of did that with the ready woman code but before I had, it was called the make me a white academy or make me a wife club and it was kind of like a friendship membership where there was a lot of material, you know, videos and stuff. And then I would gauge them once a month and then they have, you know, they would pay a monthly subscription and then upgrade them to a bigger package. But are you saying something more like a package that they still get to work with me but it's like you said, say $500 or $750 or something like that.
Lauren: Yeah. I think Phil is meaning more of a one time session before anyone can even be part of a membership program. So I'm looking at your questionnaire and it's so great and it's so detailed and I noticed that you do a complimentary meeting after they fill in this questionnaire. But what you might want to consider is just instead of having a single contact form or where someone can contact them and let them know about your initial love consultation or, or whatever you want to call it. And it's a one hour meeting that people pay for maybe even $99 something that's, you know, easy to swallow. And then from there you could actually go through those questionnaire questions with them instead of having people fill that out for, without your business, making any money from it and then talk to them through which plans might be good for them.
Nekisha: Okay. I like that. I can do that.
Lauren: Yeah. We've found that when people make a financial commitment at the beginning of a project, they're more likely to take any future investments more seriously. And that's not to say that they wouldn't just pay right off the bat for something, but it allows us to see what it's like to work together and they're more inclined to listen to our advice and to be really committed to the process.
Nekisha: Okay. Okay. That sounds good. That is really good to see you. Bye. Thank you. Good.
Phil: I'll say it again, but I think there's going to be a direct correlation between your ability to focus and simplify and your success. And, a part of why I say that to Nekisha is because I've learned this and in my job, people come to you with all kinds of challenges and confusion and drama and baggage. They're hiring you too. Clarify. Simplify. Focus.
Nekisha: Yes. Thank you guys for being such brilliant, amazing, clear, professional. Thank you for your time and expertise. I just feel like the days we were talking about Lauren, when you're in love again, you've got puppy love again for your company. Yes. For my company, I have property love. I am not going to divorce it. Thank you guys so much. Thank you. It's been a pleasure.
Phil: Oh my God. Oh, don't you just feel so good after having a conversation with her. She's the best.
Lauren: Well, I'll say this after every episode, just like I say, that was not what I expected, but she's amazing.
Phil: She is amazing. She has so much energy. Her love of life is contagious and I really, really want her to find success in a very difficult industry when you're up against your celebrities. I work in this space. I guess it's like that for a lot of industries, but it's a hard one when you're just starting out.
Lauren: She's got the personality, she really, really does and she's clearly good at what she does for a job.
Phil: So people like that have a personality that is so magnetic, you've got to get yourself out there in every way possible. We've said this before, she and I are not the same person, but I do have a big personality and we, every time that I'm out there and I'm speaking at conferences or I'm doing workshops or I'm out having dinners or you know, even free meetups and stuff with Eventbrite, there is a direct correlation between how often I'm out socializing and speaking and putting my face and our business out there. Wouldn't you say? Totally. Totally.
Lauren: And I think with Nekisha I feel as though she's almost been hiding her personal brand behind all these other entities, like the name of her company and a different title aside from her own name. So now hopefully she has the confidence to just, you know, put her name front and center for Nekisha.
Phil: For creatives, such a big part of your success is your ability to execute and a big part of that is your ability to focus. So take Nekisha as an example. Hey, I hope you've enjoyed this episode of brands therapy. We want to hear from you on Twitter and Instagram. I am@ Phil Pallen,
Lauren: I'm @thelaurenmoore.
Phil: And while you're at it, since you're listening, it would be, the best thing in the world if you went to iTunes and left a five star review, preferably it helps others discover this podcast. Any the other final thoughts, Lauren?
Lauren: No, I think that's it. I think you've covered it. Did you remember #brandtherapy?
Phil: No, I did. Okay then that's that. But other than that, we're good to end the episode. Thank you so much for hanging out with us. We'll see you next week on Brand Therapy.
